Tag Archives: films

KGB Slang

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farewell book cover

I read a book recently called Farewell: The Greatest Spy Story of the Twentieth Century by Sergei Kostin and Eric Raynaud. It was really, really good, as is the excellent film that is loosely based on it (L’affaire Farewell). The book was translated from French and unfortunately, the translation leaves a bit to be desired in certain sections, but overall it is very interesting.

One of the main things I remember from this book was the KGB slang I learned. (Yes, there is such a thing as KGB slang.) The term I learned was мокрое дело (mokroe delo), which translates to “wet affair” – i.e. an assassination. (If I’m not mistaken, this term exists in English, too.) I’m not sure what this says about me as a person that one of my favorite aspects of the book was learning this slang. It probably just means that I am way too obsessed with spies and Russia, but we already knew that, right?

Oh, and if you haven’t seen it, you definitely should watch L’affaire Farewell. It’s available on DVD with English subtitles and is amazing because Emir Kusturica is in it. Emir Kusturica is one of my favorite filmmakers and actors ever. And now that I’m thinking of him, I am reminded of the fact that he speaks Serbian and I want to speak Serbian so badly and so I’m going to publish this blog entry and go study random Serbian words.

Dear Universal Pictures, I Want My Money Back.

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I won’t be offended if you don’t want to read this entire review. Tl;dr version: this movie sucks and do not see it. I would not see it again if you paid me because it is the single STUPIDEST thing I have ever seen in my entire life.

This poster makes me want to vomit.

This poster makes me want to vomit.


I admit, I was skeptical when I first found out about the 2012 film adaptation of Anna Karenina. I did not like the casting of Keira Knightley as Anna – she is not my favorite actress, and I do not imagine the character looking like her. However, after seeing this horrid film, I wish to say that my worries were unfounded. Keira Knightley actually did a decent job, considering what she had to work with, and I did not mind her in this role.

The day before I saw the film, I found out that British playwright Tom Stoppard wrote the screenplay. I do not particularly care for Stoppard’s work, so I was a bit apprehensive, but I ignored my apprehension and saw the film anyway. I so wish I had listened to my instincts, because not only did I waste my money on this film, but I wasted two hours of my life that I will never be able to have back.

Anna Karenina is by far the worst film I have ever seen in my entire life (and I’ve seen quite a few movies in my day).
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‘The Master and Margarita’ is Russian, and Always Will Be

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The official poster for the recent Russian adaption of this excellent book

The official poster for the recent Russian adaption of this excellent book

I read the most horrifying comment on a blog yesterday. The commenter suggested, in all earnestness, that there should be an American adaptation of The Master and Margarita. Long-time readers will know that this is my favorite book and its author, Mikhail Bulgakov, is my favorite writer, so this book and Bulgakov are sacrosanct to me.

But an American adaption of this novel would be so wrong in so many ways.

    • American adaptations of books almost always leave out some important stuff. The Russian adaptation, on the other hand, went all-out and serialized the book for TV and left pretty much every scene in the filmed version. Sure, we could adapt it for TV here, too, but I doubt anyone would watch it.
      The Master and Margarita was written in Russian and just has to be in Russian. Somehow, I cannot see Hollywood writing a Russian script and hiring Russians to act in it. (And if they did, they’d probably do something stupid like cast Mila Kunis in it. Not only does she not look like any character in the book, but her Russian is actually quite horrendous.)

    • The most egregious, offensive part of the aforementioned blog comment was the commenter’s suggestion that Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart should play the title roles (of the master and Margarita, the characters the novel is named after). That was possibly the most repulsive thing I’ve read in a really long time. Not only are they totally unsuited to those respective roles, but they are just terrible in general. Robert Pattinson is not attractive (seriously, all these women who are mooning over him, I want to ask you: what do you see that I don’t see?) and Kristen Stewart is plain annoying. The thought of these two in the most important roles is horrifying. As my violin teacher once said, gag me with a goat.

    This isn’t to suggest that Americans are too crass and uncultured to adapt a great work of Russian literature – I wouldn’t watch a Russian version of The Great Gatsby, for example. And a French version of The Count of Monte Cristo would be better than an American or Russian version. (Though sadly, I can only read The Count of Monte Cristo in English or Russian translation, as I unfortunately do not know French.)

    As far as I’m concerned, there is no need for another version of The Master and Margarita right now, as the recent Russian serial is quite good. But if you were to make your own adaptation, who would you cast?

    ‘Skyfall’ Review: Don’t Bother

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    Warning: review may contain spoilers!

    Bond, James Bond.

    Unless you have a very good reason for seeing the latest James Bond film, Skyfall, you probably should not bother. For me, that very good reason was the fact that I am completely and utterly obsessed with Daniel Craig. So I did enjoy the film because it was an excellent opportunity to stare at Daniel Craig for almost two and a half hours, but if Daniel Craig had not been in the film, I probably would have despised it.

    The actor did a fantastic job, considering how lame the character is.

    The Story

    The story is as follows (and yes, there are spoilers here, but big deal, the plot is lame anyway and I can say in a few sentences what the movie took over two hours to say): Bond is fighting with an enemy agent and M makes a decision that leads to him being shot. He vanishes for three months and everyone thinks he’s dead. He miraculously returns from the dead because someone is threatening the UK. He goes to China where he finds and confronts the villain, who is (drum roll here)… a rogue agent! Who has a vendetta against M! How exciting (not).

    So anyway, this villain is captured, but then he hacks MI6′s computer system and escapes. Bond and M lead him away from London where they have an epic confrontation involving shotguns, helicopters, and a veritable army of men fighting for the villain.

    And that’s it (aside from a MAJOR THING that I’m not going to say here – ask me in the comments if you’re so inclined).

    What I Didn’t Like

    Gazing broodingly over London.

    The plot was almost nonexistent and very trite. The villain was lame. I like a good villain in my movies and books, and this villain did not measure up. The most interesting thing he said was when he talked about (hypothetically?) rigging an election in Uganda. His mention of hydrogen cyanide was interesting, too. I was under the impression that potassium cyanide was more commonly used as poison, but a quick internet search tells me that both can be used.

    The Bond girl was lame, too. She had no depth. (Though she was quite pretty.) I wanted to know more about her, but there was no backstory. She did look rather fabulous, though. Someday I want to walk into a casino looking like this!

    I don’t think I’ve ever looked this good.

    See Casino Royale Instead

    He’s also a math genius, did I mention that? And he has a condition that causes blood to constantly ooze out of his left eye.

    In short, I wouldn’t bother with seeing this film. (Unless you want to gaze at Daniel Craig for over two hours and yes, that is a perfectly legitimate reason.) Save your money and rent Casino Royale instead. Daniel Craig is in it, it has an engaging plot, and the villain is awesome. His name is Le Chiffre, and he launders money for terrorists, shorts companies’ stocks (and then destroys the companies), plays poker, and dresses in all-black suits. (Note that I do not endorse any of these activities, aside from wearing all black, but they make for such an interesting character, and by extension an interesting storyline.)

    I will say this, though: at least Skyfall wasn’t as bad as Quantum of Solace! Surely that must count for something.

    Film Review: ‘Chernobyl Diaries’

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    The trailer for Chernobyl Diaries

    I saw this film yesterday and it was pretty good. In short (I don’t want to give anything away!), it is about a group of young people (I assumed they are recent college graduates) who embark on a European tour. After seeing Kiev for a bit, instead of heading to Moscow as planned, they decide to go to Pripyat, the city that was evacuated after the Chernobyl disaster, for a day. Unfortunately, they get stranded there and realize they are not alone.

    I enjoyed the film (there is Ukrainian spoken and I understood it!) though it did have some flaws. There could have been more character development – for example, two of the people traveling are brothers and one of them is living in Kiev, but we are never told why the one brother lives in Ukraine. There also could have been more backstory about what they find in Pripyat.

    Overall, Chernobyl Diaries is an entertaining film, and if you like the horror genre, you’ll probably like it. An interest in Eastern Europe doesn’t hurt, either!

    Watching a Film – With No English

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    When I heard of this film a few months ago, I knew I wanted to see it. It’s called Battle of Warsaw 1920 and is (predictably) about the Battle of Warsaw, a battle in the Polish-Soviet War. The Civil War period after the 1917 Bolshevik Revolution is one of my favorite eras to study in history, so I knew I would love this film.
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    Welcome to Life, Post-Thesis

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    Finally finished

    At the end of my spring break, I went to the library to print my thesis. It was an arduous task, as my university installed a system that makes you pay for printing. I wanted to print four pages in color but the rest in black and white and the new system unfortunately does not recognize when one has multiple pages in both black and white and color. To avoid getting charged for color, I had to split up the pages as I printed. It was a little extra work, but it turned out fine.

    After printing, I went to the local copy store to get it, or rather them (I had to turn in three copies) bound. The binding was cheaper then the printing, which I had not expected.

    On the first day back from spring break, right before my class in the morning, I went to the history department building to deposit the copies of my thesis in the appropriate professors’ mailboxes. With that, I was done with the project that has occupied my time for so long. I commenced researching in June 2011, but I was talking about the idea with my advisor since 2010.

    Burnt out, slightly

    After turning in my thesis, I had such trouble motivating myself to work. I just did not want to do anything. I did my homework, of course (if I did not, I would have disappointed my Russian professor, and I really do not think I could bear to do that) but it was such a chore. It is quite a funny situation, if you think about it, because I have a lot less work now that I have finished the thesis. I think my grade on the psychology exam last Friday suffered from this lack of motivation, unfortunately. (Not that I ended up doing badly, I just did not do as well as I hoped.)

    Having fun

    Since finishing up the thesis, I have seen three films, which is wonderful. I rented Star Trek: Nemesis on iTunes. Back when it came out, my mother dragged me to see it, and I liked it, but I do not think I was old enough to fully appreciate it. Seeing it almost ten years later, I still liked it, though I hated the ending. (Seriously, you can’t just kill off my favorite character at the end and expect me to like the film!) Then I rented Star Trek: First Contact (I actually meant to rent this one originally, but I clicked the download button for Nemesis instead.) I liked First Contact more than Nemesis, mainly due to its better storyline.

    Then, on Saturday, my friend K. and I went to see The Hunger Games. I have read all the books and the film did not disappoint, though some characters came across as quite bland in the film. (Whoever adapted the book to the screenplay had a wealth of amazing moments to work with for the character Haymitch, but apparently decided not to make Haymitch interesting at all in the film, which was disappointing. Also, the flashback scenes between Katniss and Peeta were very poorly done.)

    All in all, I have been having fun since finishing the thesis. I went to a social event this evening at my university for graduating students and it was a lot of fun. I don’t really have that much of the semester left, which is strange to contemplate.

    I do plan to have a post reflecting more on my thesis-writing experience, so keep an eye out for that.

    hunger games icon copy

    It’s Been a Month…

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    …but I have a present for all of you: a hunger games icon! Instead of working on my thesis or my fiction writing, I literally spent the last hour making this.

    Click on it to see it larger. I am obsessed with The Hunger Games, which is why I spent time making this fabulous icon. I’ll assume that you know how to make images smaller and therefore can deal with sizing it down to whatever size you desire. (If you don’t, leave a comment and I’ll upload it resized!)

    It has been a busy month. My thesis is due in a week, so I have been working feverishly on that (and sadly ignoring my blog). However, constant thesis work drives me crazy, so I have also been doing some fiction writing.

    But seriously: who is excited for The Hunger Games???

    Google Thinks I’m an Old Man.

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    Slate has a funny article about Google’s ad preferences. Apparently, if you’re logged into Google and you click that link, you can find out how old Google thinks you are and whether you’re male or female based on what you’ve searched. I present the evidence of what happened when I clicked the link:

    Yes, my friends, I regret to say that Google is rather convinced that I’m an old man. Apparently, searching stuff related law and government and classical music are old man topics!

    In other news, I do have something I have been forgetting to write about: on my last flight coming back to university, there was an air marshal on board, and he was sitting right near me. What reminded me of this was my mom and I were talking about Melissa McCarthy, the actress who played Megan in Bridesmaids. Her performance was the one excellent aspect of an otherwise not-so-great film. But why would that remind me of air marshals, you ask? See the clip below:

    (Sorry if an ad displays – I don’t have control over that. It’s not a long ad and the clip is well worth the wait.) Seriously, Megan is the best character in the entire movie.

    There has not been that much else going on recently, except that I had dinner with my friend R. I am a tad annoyed with her because she did not seem to like my New Life Plan (that I haven’t shared publicly on this blog yet). I was not seeking her opinion or approval, and her attitude annoyed me.

    In Which I Fortuitously Discover Daniel Craig

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    Okay, so I’ve been a Daniel Craig fan for some time now. I first met dear old Daniel when I saw Casino Royale (which is an excellent film, by the way). He was amazing in Casino Royale and he’s going to be amazing in The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo.

    Anyway, last night I was browsing on Hulu – because I just don’t have anything better to do, like study for a history exam or write a massive thesis – and I found Archangel. It’s a made-for-TV movie based on a spy novel and it is amazing. I’ve only watched the first part, but here are all the reasons why I love it:

    • It’s about Russia. That’s reason enough.
    • It’s historical. Again, an excellent reason.
    • There is real Russian spoken in it. By “real Russian,” I mean that they actually got Russian actors to play the Russian people in the film.
    • Daniel Craig is in it. I’ll watch anything with Daniel Craig.
    • Daniel Craig speaks Russian. And to be honest, he does not butcher it too badly. True, he has an accent, but he’s supposed to because his character is a native English speaker (so far, though, I can’t tell if the character is an Americanized Brit or an Anglicized American).
    • The subtitles are actually decent. Now, I don’t need them (that sounds so presumptuous, does it not?) but I have seen many a film with butchered Russian subtitles. The subtitles in Archangel actually make sense and give you a very good idea of what is going on. Very few things are left out.
    • The Americans/Brits (I’m still not sure who they are) speak English and the Russians speak Russian. That’s the way it should be, not this nonsense I sometimes see of English-speaking actors playing Russians and adopting obviously fake Russian accents to make sure we know they’re supposed to be Russian.
    • There are some great moments, and I’ve only seen about forty minutes so far. I promise these examples aren’t spoilers: one guy says to Daniel Craig’s character, “Stalin inherited a nation with wooden plows and left us an empire armed with atomic weapons.” Another great scene involves Daniel Craig walking into a room with a record playing the Soviet national anthem.

    Seriously, if you’re bored and want to hear some amazing Russian spoken, watch it! I certainly know what I’ll be doing tonight…

    Friday Night Film

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    So, I’m going to bed soon, as I am exhausted from this week, but if you are so inclined to stay up, here’s an excellent film to consider watching: Ballad of a Soldier [Баллада о солдате]. Mosfilm, the company that made this film, does not allow it to be embedded, so click on the poster below to see it on YouTube. (It has subtitles in English.)

    I Love Dubbed Films

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    Seriously, people, today has just not been my day. I was rudely awoken at 7:00 in the morning by a drunk student who thought my room was his friend’s room, so therefore he proceeded to repeatedly bang on my door. There was no way I was opening my door, so I made a phone call and he was eventually persuaded to leave. Then, this evening someone has been smoking in the corridor off and on since about 7:00 (smoking inside is against the rules, people…). So basically, this has just not been the best day for me.

    Then, I found the film Amadeus dubbed in Russian. Being that I know literally every line of the film in English, I think I will be able to learn tons of new vocabulary from this experience of watching it. As I just wrote in a comment on Zsuzsi’s blog, vocabulary is my biggest challenge in foreign languages.

    I’m exhausted, so I doubt I’ll get through the whole movie tonight, but that’s fine. I’ve drafted my essay today, and that’s an accomplishment. It’s time for some Mozart.